A slap of humility might do the trick. That's what I keep telling myself. Where I'm at, what I'm living for, where I'm going. Once I stopped living in my head filled with lofty concepts and amorphous understanding, I realized many things about what I don't know and several things about myself. I'm at a spot where everything is constantly in motion, I like motion, I'm never bored. My last entry was named Process but that's exactly what I was neglecting to jump into, until now. I feel I've always been in a state of awareness about my character flaws and road blocks that hinder me from my potential, but I've never had the courage to do anything about them. I've mastered a technique of manipulation and control to weave in and out, up and around, issues I don't want to process. I have had a lasting trend of presenting my problems in only a partial light. It was about accepting my sin nature and forcing content rather than a healthy method for healing. Healing has a knack for hurting, especially on a relational level. Some of the deepest wounds you carry, come from those who you trusted most. So what does starting a process look like? Productivity has to have some kind of face right? It has to be beyond conversation, it has to take effort. I used to leave the majority of my growth up to the conversations I had with people, somehow convincing myself I was changing and moving forward with a long talk and a challenged perspective, however what happened in between those dialogs never amounted to what I was advocating. There was no continuity in what I was dialoging and how I was living. This is a huge conviction of mine and should hold much more weight than it does in especially those of my community. So for awhile there I was quiet. I felt like a hypocrite, and we're all guilty of that on on some level aren't we? I still have a healthy fear of hypocrisy but instead of letting it stop me, I try and flip it and let it motivate me.
I recently wrote a paper on religion and its major influences on the modern world, broad I know, but it forced me to do something that I realized I never took the time to do before, at least holistically. I was forced to consolidate my perspective and firmly align myself somewhere, I couldn't just default to what sounded good at the time and play off why or why not I agreed or disagreed. That weaving in and out, up and around issues wasn't possible because it was me giving the opinion, I didn't have the option to wait for someone else to make the stand first. Prior to Jesus I describe my worldview as liberal, secular, and pragmatic. How typical. Do whatever works for you, because in the end it's all relative anyway, oh hey Oprah. That's where I thought the freedom was, boundaries where just annoying and in the way so I started that process of avoiding them in order to really grasp that liberty that I knew was out there just waiting for me to come and take it. I don't need to elaborate on where that got me because I don't like to think of myself as a common statistic, and because there are enough stories like mine out there as it is. My point is, that indeterminate worldview wasn't fully eradicated when I accepted Christ and ended up bleeding into my perspective on the world affecting much more than I ever intended it to. So this paper, if haven't digressed enough to lose your attention yet, was extremely difficult for me to dictate. After 6 or so hours of meditation on what to align myself with, I came to a point that was essentially a soup of our right to religious pluralism, freedom of conscience, coexistence, moral upholding, and Christ. It was a mess, but nevertheless very grammatically organized and pretentious because I needed an A, and I enjoy any excuse I get to use ridiculously big words. Shortly after emailing the piece to my professor I immediately went back to Word and began to edit and change the content of my paper, meaning that it took only seconds for my opinions to reshape. At first a feeling of hypocrisy crept in, I felt like I had drastically misinterpreted extremely definitive notions and that I was doing a disservice to those who call themselves Christians . It was like I was driving a car without a license or something of that tomfoolery. Basically ill-equipped and unprepared. I think this can be interpreted into one of two things, either I am ignorant to the necessary facts about life that are required to set an opinion, or I am growing at a rate where my opinion cannot be set in order for growth to be continual. I think most of us that desire growth and maturity default into the second category, I happen to be completely satisfied with that spot if I reside there. I'll let application seek in for an attempt to bring this all back down to the ground. In correspondence to my constantly transforming opinion on life, I believe that the world is constantly changing and one should consider that changing patterns may be in need, and that the classical approach may not be the only way. Also, and more importantly, God is more concerned with who we are, not where we are. For me this means I have finally become extremely content with not knowing everything or having a legitimate answer to every philosophical question asked of me. Why submit to the notion that humans aren't the perfect beings capable of putting a lid on all understanding? Why accept that I was created and placed on this planet by something else, somewhere else, with capacities far greater and more intelligent than mine? Why, why, why, I can go on forever. When it comes down to it, a simple trait can be used in describing secularism (and atheism, while I'm at it): boredom. Why would I put a period on the meaning of life? To say I conquered it? To feel better about myself? In my natural frustration from lack of definitive purpose shall I just create one for myself so that I can feel whole? We have become a generation that is very confident in ourselves and less confident in what we believe. We must keep in mind that it is a very lonely place for finite man to be on the throne that was meant for an infinite being. I'd rather keeping playing the guessing game, it's more entertaining. I recently heard something quite impacting from a man that I hope I'll get to meet sometime in my life, I'll share it:
The secularist looks at his city and says, "I don't need any walls." A pluralist man goes to debates and asks, "which kind of a wall are we going to build anyway?" A privatized man says, "I'll build my wall, you build your wall." The Word of God says, "There is only one way amongst men that they will find life and security and that is through Christ."
-Ravi Zacharias
I say that knowledge is a deadly tool when no one sets the rules.
I will say in confidence, that whatever I may be facing, whether it be trials or no trials, heartache or no heartache, struggles or no struggles, if I submit my will to God He will guarantee me victory. There you go, I'm set in that.
It is a very long process to become fully prepared and armed but know that you can do much more detrimental damage in your immaturity than you can in waiting and striving to reach your capable potential. I really don't know what the point of this post amounts to, but whatever, my intent isn't to be your teacher, just to let you in on a tiny bit of my conscience. So, in that, I think this has served its purpose. Someone please disagree with me on some level, I'd like to learn from you because I in no way do I want to come across as having it figured all out.
Dicky.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
A Process.
(Excuse my lofty word usage, poor grammar and run-ons. It's late. Editing is for the proper anyway.. &at 4am I couldn't care less.)
I often find myself here:
I am a male forever failed by this world. My anxieties find their birth place here. Conceived by unbelief and warped perception, nurtured in the ignorant pursuit of conformity. My plans for growth were constructed with lies and empty statements, all inevitably prone to collapse. The world has raised me and has morphed every thought. I blindly followed every word it has ever spat out at me. I fell right into its plan of slaughter, and it would have succeed in devouring my soul. It still has too much authority over me, all of it unjust. It has instilled itself into my identity, creating intense amounts of problems in just about every aspect of life. But I have found my golden ticket, I'm well on my way to liberty. However, the question arises... What now? Speaking from my instinctive animalistic nature: I want to escape the world, and use it like it has used me. I want to prove its philosophies and those of its followers wrong. I want to slaughter and devour it so that it may never cause pain again. I want to break the neck of its disgusting logic and starve all of its language. I want its lies exposed and naked in perfect form for ridicule. I would absolutely love to slit the throat of its leader Satan and burn his monarch to the ground, crucifying every last one of its captains. I want to see the destruction of the unruly sovereign empire that captured this Earth as its hostage in Genesis 3. I want to see wrath consume this chaos before the chaos consumes itself. I am truly drunk and bloodthirsty for revenge.
I would like to see myself get back to this:
Emotional expressions will never solve anything and of course they are not what we as followers of Christ are called to use as solutions. We all should be aware that our success lies in our obedience to the Lord, and the rest should be given to Him to work through and sort out. Now all of us automatically assume that its "not that simple," and I completely understand that. It makes perfect sense that breaking literally years of a conditioned mindset is never an easy thing to do, it just seems so daunting and impossible. I think it's crucial that we often check ourselves. How small are we and our struggles in comparison to how enormous our God really is? We do Him injustice everyday in doubting that He can really set us free. We must remember that this physical embodiment in that we reside is all completely temporal, nothing we set our human eyes on will ever last forever. Time forces change and erosion and nothing physical can stand up to the test of eternity. I want you all to remember that next time you're having a horrible day, you know those days when you are absolutely convinced nothing will get better.. That it will pass, along with its emotions. Time will force it to move on, even if we're not alive when it happens. And yes I get that no one wants to wait that long, nor should have to.
We are all so consumed, and how can we be blamed in our ignorance? We don't come out of the womb hardwired with knowledge and understanding, we learn through intense observation; and what is there to observe? This Earth is full of things to look at, and I'm sure no one can disagree when I say that the majority of that we first consciously lay our eyes on is tainted and crooked. After we get a taste of how the rest of humanity lives, our human nature leans towards conformity in efforts to smoothly segue into functional normality. How much of "normal" is really good anyway? We know how to sin before we know to love, and unfortunately this world has made it so incredibly easy to do so. The reasons this world is so ailing are completely comprehensible. However in the midst of this giant calamity in which we live, we must remember that we have hope. We have been given an extraordinary opportunity to break free, a truly priceless chance. There's no way to take all of this world on at once, but I find comfort in making baby steps. I believe one of many steps you can take is the one having to do with perception. I challenge myself to stop and think about what I take in everyday, I try and change the way I perceive it all. I want to be able to slow down and process the messages the world puts forth in a sober fashion, and in doing so using the only physically tangible truth, scripture, as my base. I think if we are able to at least make an effort to become sensitive to our sin and to honestly begin to change our heart positions through filtering discernment, the effects on our lives would be more than dramatic. It'll make forward progress in my relationship with Jesus, and isn't that what it's all about? So that's what I'll end with, a simple way to start change that will eventually pay off. It sounds good to me. I'm going to run with this one.
Dicky.
I often find myself here:
I am a male forever failed by this world. My anxieties find their birth place here. Conceived by unbelief and warped perception, nurtured in the ignorant pursuit of conformity. My plans for growth were constructed with lies and empty statements, all inevitably prone to collapse. The world has raised me and has morphed every thought. I blindly followed every word it has ever spat out at me. I fell right into its plan of slaughter, and it would have succeed in devouring my soul. It still has too much authority over me, all of it unjust. It has instilled itself into my identity, creating intense amounts of problems in just about every aspect of life. But I have found my golden ticket, I'm well on my way to liberty. However, the question arises... What now? Speaking from my instinctive animalistic nature: I want to escape the world, and use it like it has used me. I want to prove its philosophies and those of its followers wrong. I want to slaughter and devour it so that it may never cause pain again. I want to break the neck of its disgusting logic and starve all of its language. I want its lies exposed and naked in perfect form for ridicule. I would absolutely love to slit the throat of its leader Satan and burn his monarch to the ground, crucifying every last one of its captains. I want to see the destruction of the unruly sovereign empire that captured this Earth as its hostage in Genesis 3. I want to see wrath consume this chaos before the chaos consumes itself. I am truly drunk and bloodthirsty for revenge.
I would like to see myself get back to this:
Emotional expressions will never solve anything and of course they are not what we as followers of Christ are called to use as solutions. We all should be aware that our success lies in our obedience to the Lord, and the rest should be given to Him to work through and sort out. Now all of us automatically assume that its "not that simple," and I completely understand that. It makes perfect sense that breaking literally years of a conditioned mindset is never an easy thing to do, it just seems so daunting and impossible. I think it's crucial that we often check ourselves. How small are we and our struggles in comparison to how enormous our God really is? We do Him injustice everyday in doubting that He can really set us free. We must remember that this physical embodiment in that we reside is all completely temporal, nothing we set our human eyes on will ever last forever. Time forces change and erosion and nothing physical can stand up to the test of eternity. I want you all to remember that next time you're having a horrible day, you know those days when you are absolutely convinced nothing will get better.. That it will pass, along with its emotions. Time will force it to move on, even if we're not alive when it happens. And yes I get that no one wants to wait that long, nor should have to.
We are all so consumed, and how can we be blamed in our ignorance? We don't come out of the womb hardwired with knowledge and understanding, we learn through intense observation; and what is there to observe? This Earth is full of things to look at, and I'm sure no one can disagree when I say that the majority of that we first consciously lay our eyes on is tainted and crooked. After we get a taste of how the rest of humanity lives, our human nature leans towards conformity in efforts to smoothly segue into functional normality. How much of "normal" is really good anyway? We know how to sin before we know to love, and unfortunately this world has made it so incredibly easy to do so. The reasons this world is so ailing are completely comprehensible. However in the midst of this giant calamity in which we live, we must remember that we have hope. We have been given an extraordinary opportunity to break free, a truly priceless chance. There's no way to take all of this world on at once, but I find comfort in making baby steps. I believe one of many steps you can take is the one having to do with perception. I challenge myself to stop and think about what I take in everyday, I try and change the way I perceive it all. I want to be able to slow down and process the messages the world puts forth in a sober fashion, and in doing so using the only physically tangible truth, scripture, as my base. I think if we are able to at least make an effort to become sensitive to our sin and to honestly begin to change our heart positions through filtering discernment, the effects on our lives would be more than dramatic. It'll make forward progress in my relationship with Jesus, and isn't that what it's all about? So that's what I'll end with, a simple way to start change that will eventually pay off. It sounds good to me. I'm going to run with this one.
Dicky.
Friday, June 27, 2008
My Sunglasses are Filthy.
So it seems like moments of inspiration to actually blog, always seem to come past 2 am. Let's see if I can keep the trend. I sort of want to start off with clarification of my state of union I guess.. Just from reading my last blog, I can tell I've changed, I liked to say I've grown, at least a little bit. My strides have been pretty big in growing spiritually since living in Tempe and actually residing in the center of my spiritual community. & believe me, I'm absolutely not trying to put myself anywhere near a pedestal, it's just how I sincerely feel. However, I cannot explain in words how thankful I am for all these amazing people, Christian or not, that I am constantly surrounded with, it's intense but in a completely good sense of the word. So thanks guys, couldn't do much of anything with out you.
Lately I've realizing something that's becoming more and more evident everyday, whether I like it or not. It's people, and perspective. I feel that subconsciously humans (or at least the ones I'm in contact with regularly) are guilty of severely minimizing their perspective of, well, life in general, spiritual or not. It seems that we become so completely comfortable with shrinking our perception of reality to a very small peep hole that is our life. We are bombarded with daily routines and redundant social situations so much so that we eventually come to believe these things that consume our lives so often as ACTUAL reality, when really and often without knowing, we severely jeopardize "the big picture," or what I like to call God's plan. We're so unreservedly caught up in the details that we accidentally put our eyes under a blindfold, or some really dirty sunglasses. The problem with this is that we lose sight of not only God, but the importance and mystery of His timing. We just don't get it. (And believe me, I'm more guilty of this than anyone.) This inevitably creates one huge mess of confusion we put ourselves into and then have to dig ourselves out of, most often painfully. For me, this looks like running in emotional, spiritual, and physical circles that really have no end, at least as long as I keep those dirty sunglasses on. This is my main reason for the "slumps" I usually experience which often causes me to compare my recent state as somewhat of a roller coaster. I go up, then down until I decide to open my eyes again but then out of absolutely nowhere, something blindsides me and sends me plummeting to the bottom once more until I really just get over myself and throw out the idea that my day to day life is NOT the whole of my reality. Circles. It's ridiculous.
With that truth acting as a precursor, I want to talk about faith. Tonight at The Element, Sean spoke about Abraham but more importantly his faith. I won't elaborate completely because this is probably already too long and hurting your eyes just staring at your computer screen reading (hopefully) my text (lol). BUT something Sean brought to my attention resonated especially deep. It was the story about Abraham and how he was told by God to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice. Now think about that, and the actual action of sacrificing a CHILD, not just any child but your own offspring. I can't even fathom. Now with that in mind, think about actually going through with it solely because you trust, and ultimately because you have unmoving faith. Crudely, that's some balls. But seriously, the severity goes for miles. How utterly vexing and flat out difficult is that? It gives me chills. And to just THINK of how that makes our daily faith struggles look like. Petty, in every sense of the word. For example, I struggle with smoking. SMOKING. All I really have to do is stop buying cigarettes and be in a shitty mood for a couple weeks and then it's done. But since all I see is my minuscule, incorrect, and jaded interpretation of existence it incontrovertibly builds up something so minor as quitting smoking into something so bloated it actually becomes haunting and ends up influencing my life in ways it really has no justice to. But I let it, and really without much of a fight. How completely weak and fragile does this make my faith look? I act like God isn't big enough to overcome something like nicotine's aftereffect. Ignorant. Now I'm not saying addiction isn't so inconsequential to just write off as something trivial and insignificant, but come on. Let's be honest. I'm weak, I think we are all, at least in comparison. So I'll let that settle in, all I really ask is that you meditate on that. And be warned, it's convicting.
So, I think I've left you all with something at least to think about, so do so, even for two minutes, I'll be happy.
It's way too late to be thinking this hard, so I'm just going to stop here for the sake of my sleep. But nevertheless I love you and I hope you're having a great morning/day/evening/night.
That's all.
Dicky.
Lately I've realizing something that's becoming more and more evident everyday, whether I like it or not. It's people, and perspective. I feel that subconsciously humans (or at least the ones I'm in contact with regularly) are guilty of severely minimizing their perspective of, well, life in general, spiritual or not. It seems that we become so completely comfortable with shrinking our perception of reality to a very small peep hole that is our life. We are bombarded with daily routines and redundant social situations so much so that we eventually come to believe these things that consume our lives so often as ACTUAL reality, when really and often without knowing, we severely jeopardize "the big picture," or what I like to call God's plan. We're so unreservedly caught up in the details that we accidentally put our eyes under a blindfold, or some really dirty sunglasses. The problem with this is that we lose sight of not only God, but the importance and mystery of His timing. We just don't get it. (And believe me, I'm more guilty of this than anyone.) This inevitably creates one huge mess of confusion we put ourselves into and then have to dig ourselves out of, most often painfully. For me, this looks like running in emotional, spiritual, and physical circles that really have no end, at least as long as I keep those dirty sunglasses on. This is my main reason for the "slumps" I usually experience which often causes me to compare my recent state as somewhat of a roller coaster. I go up, then down until I decide to open my eyes again but then out of absolutely nowhere, something blindsides me and sends me plummeting to the bottom once more until I really just get over myself and throw out the idea that my day to day life is NOT the whole of my reality. Circles. It's ridiculous.
With that truth acting as a precursor, I want to talk about faith. Tonight at The Element, Sean spoke about Abraham but more importantly his faith. I won't elaborate completely because this is probably already too long and hurting your eyes just staring at your computer screen reading (hopefully) my text (lol). BUT something Sean brought to my attention resonated especially deep. It was the story about Abraham and how he was told by God to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice. Now think about that, and the actual action of sacrificing a CHILD, not just any child but your own offspring. I can't even fathom. Now with that in mind, think about actually going through with it solely because you trust, and ultimately because you have unmoving faith. Crudely, that's some balls. But seriously, the severity goes for miles. How utterly vexing and flat out difficult is that? It gives me chills. And to just THINK of how that makes our daily faith struggles look like. Petty, in every sense of the word. For example, I struggle with smoking. SMOKING. All I really have to do is stop buying cigarettes and be in a shitty mood for a couple weeks and then it's done. But since all I see is my minuscule, incorrect, and jaded interpretation of existence it incontrovertibly builds up something so minor as quitting smoking into something so bloated it actually becomes haunting and ends up influencing my life in ways it really has no justice to. But I let it, and really without much of a fight. How completely weak and fragile does this make my faith look? I act like God isn't big enough to overcome something like nicotine's aftereffect. Ignorant. Now I'm not saying addiction isn't so inconsequential to just write off as something trivial and insignificant, but come on. Let's be honest. I'm weak, I think we are all, at least in comparison. So I'll let that settle in, all I really ask is that you meditate on that. And be warned, it's convicting.
So, I think I've left you all with something at least to think about, so do so, even for two minutes, I'll be happy.
It's way too late to be thinking this hard, so I'm just going to stop here for the sake of my sleep. But nevertheless I love you and I hope you're having a great morning/day/evening/night.
That's all.
Dicky.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Up fall down start.
The tone of interpretation can make all the difference.. as sad as it is. It's a worldly standard I guess. I tend to tune out and find ways to prove myself right and divert focus to how much better a message can be delivered, where in reality, I totally end up missing what could be super relevant and impacting information. Blahhh. It's a pride thing.
Do yourself a favor and watch everything is spiritual by Rob Bell. It's worth however much it costs, I can tell you that.
Dumbfounding: the impact of straight up love. Sometimes I'll spend hours.. days.. on just over thinking what to say to get my point across, to make some lasting impression that'll change perspective.. when all I really need to do is show LOVE. It's interesting how much more meaningful revelation is when realized on a personal level. Fuck convincing, love will always speak louder than any fancy word I can come up with.. or whatever the case may be. ...saves time too.
Human relationship is freaking endless & everything is spiritual.
This new laptop is the upstart of my insomnia again.. or the downfall of sleep, whatever floats your raft. & with that said, I'm off to sleep.. only to wake up in a few hours for work. I don't wanna talk about it.
Goodnight.
Love God Love people.
Dicky.
Do yourself a favor and watch everything is spiritual by Rob Bell. It's worth however much it costs, I can tell you that.
Dumbfounding: the impact of straight up love. Sometimes I'll spend hours.. days.. on just over thinking what to say to get my point across, to make some lasting impression that'll change perspective.. when all I really need to do is show LOVE. It's interesting how much more meaningful revelation is when realized on a personal level. Fuck convincing, love will always speak louder than any fancy word I can come up with.. or whatever the case may be. ...saves time too.
Human relationship is freaking endless & everything is spiritual.
This new laptop is the upstart of my insomnia again.. or the downfall of sleep, whatever floats your raft. & with that said, I'm off to sleep.. only to wake up in a few hours for work. I don't wanna talk about it.
Goodnight.
Love God Love people.
Dicky.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Bears Eat Beets.
Today I want to quit smoking.
It is interesting that the WRATH of God is somehow always left out of your younglife leader's 15 minute repeat. Not to throw stones or anything.. I'm just putting it out there. I guess you can say it's just becoming more and more evident how unnecessarily unspeakable this particular fact has become.. for me anyway.
But it can be a hell of a thing to realize that God hates you.. just as He loves you.
(thank you praxis)
One thing is for sure, however. It sure doesn't sell well. &I guess that's why I'm not a salesman.. regardless of how priceless TRUTH is.
Hm.
Today I learned that light, well photons, don't follow Newtonian laws of physics.. and neither does anything else outside the earth.. like the universe. &Ya I know that sounds incredibly nerdy but if you think about it.. ITS INSANE. Its almost incomprehensible. For example, a neutron star can weigh 100 million tons (because of its extreme gravitational pull) ...and fit a teaspoon. Cracked out or what? Explain me that... wait, you can't.
(thank you rob bell)
welp my Office theme song ringtone should be done (lol shut it. I'm addicted.) so I'm out.. hopefully I'll be using this regularly now that I own a laptop finally, no promises though.
have a great day. God loves (and hates) you. :]
Dicky.
It is interesting that the WRATH of God is somehow always left out of your younglife leader's 15 minute repeat. Not to throw stones or anything.. I'm just putting it out there. I guess you can say it's just becoming more and more evident how unnecessarily unspeakable this particular fact has become.. for me anyway.
But it can be a hell of a thing to realize that God hates you.. just as He loves you.
(thank you praxis)
One thing is for sure, however. It sure doesn't sell well. &I guess that's why I'm not a salesman.. regardless of how priceless TRUTH is.
Hm.
Today I learned that light, well photons, don't follow Newtonian laws of physics.. and neither does anything else outside the earth.. like the universe. &Ya I know that sounds incredibly nerdy but if you think about it.. ITS INSANE. Its almost incomprehensible. For example, a neutron star can weigh 100 million tons (because of its extreme gravitational pull) ...and fit a teaspoon. Cracked out or what? Explain me that... wait, you can't.
(thank you rob bell)
welp my Office theme song ringtone should be done (lol shut it. I'm addicted.) so I'm out.. hopefully I'll be using this regularly now that I own a laptop finally, no promises though.
have a great day. God loves (and hates) you. :]
Dicky.
Friday, March 23, 2007
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