A Process.

(Excuse my lofty word usage, poor grammar and run-ons. It's late. Editing is for the proper anyway.. &at 4am I couldn't care less.)

I often find myself here:

I am a male forever failed by this world. My anxieties find their birth place here. Conceived by unbelief and warped perception, nurtured in the ignorant pursuit of conformity. My plans for growth were constructed with lies and empty statements, all inevitably prone to collapse. The world has raised me and has morphed every thought. I blindly followed every word it has ever spat out at me. I fell right into its plan of slaughter, and it would have succeed in devouring my soul. It still has too much authority over me, all of it unjust. It has instilled itself into my identity, creating intense amounts of problems in just about every aspect of life. But I have found my golden ticket, I'm well on my way to liberty. However, the question arises... What now? Speaking from my instinctive animalistic nature: I want to escape the world, and use it like it has used me. I want to prove its philosophies and those of its followers wrong. I want to slaughter and devour it so that it may never cause pain again. I want to break the neck of its disgusting logic and starve all of its language. I want its lies exposed and naked in perfect form for ridicule. I would absolutely love to slit the throat of its leader Satan and burn his monarch to the ground, crucifying every last one of its captains. I want to see the destruction of the unruly sovereign empire that captured this Earth as its hostage in Genesis 3. I want to see wrath consume this chaos before the chaos consumes itself. I am truly drunk and bloodthirsty for revenge.

I would like to see myself get back to this:

Emotional expressions will never solve anything and of course they are not what we as followers of Christ are called to use as solutions. We all should be aware that our success lies in our obedience to the Lord, and the rest should be given to Him to work through and sort out. Now all of us automatically assume that its "not that simple," and I completely understand that. It makes perfect sense that breaking literally years of a conditioned mindset is never an easy thing to do, it just seems so daunting and impossible. I think it's crucial that we often check ourselves. How small are we and our struggles in comparison to how enormous our God really is? We do Him injustice everyday in doubting that He can really set us free. We must remember that this physical embodiment in that we reside is all completely temporal, nothing we set our human eyes on will ever last forever. Time forces change and erosion and nothing physical can stand up to the test of eternity. I want you all to remember that next time you're having a horrible day, you know those days when you are absolutely convinced nothing will get better.. That it will pass, along with its emotions. Time will force it to move on, even if we're not alive when it happens. And yes I get that no one wants to wait that long, nor should have to.

We are all so consumed, and how can we be blamed in our ignorance? We don't come out of the womb hardwired with knowledge and understanding, we learn through intense observation; and what is there to observe? This Earth is full of things to look at, and I'm sure no one can disagree when I say that the majority of that we first consciously lay our eyes on is tainted and crooked. After we get a taste of how the rest of humanity lives, our human nature leans towards conformity in efforts to smoothly segue into functional normality. How much of "normal" is really good anyway? We know how to sin before we know to love, and unfortunately this world has made it so incredibly easy to do so. The reasons this world is so ailing are completely comprehensible. However in the midst of this giant calamity in which we live, we must remember that we have hope. We have been given an extraordinary opportunity to break free, a truly priceless chance. There's no way to take all of this world on at once, but I find comfort in making baby steps. I believe one of many steps you can take is the one having to do with perception. I challenge myself to stop and think about what I take in everyday, I try and change the way I perceive it all. I want to be able to slow down and process the messages the world puts forth in a sober fashion, and in doing so using the only physically tangible truth, scripture, as my base. I think if we are able to at least make an effort to become sensitive to our sin and to honestly begin to change our heart positions through filtering discernment, the effects on our lives would be more than dramatic. It'll make forward progress in my relationship with Jesus, and isn't that what it's all about? So that's what I'll end with, a simple way to start change that will eventually pay off. It sounds good to me. I'm going to run with this one.


Dicky.